Quarantine Astrology: How Does Each Sign Cope?


What to expect from the peeps you are shut in with, based on when they were born. As always, if the birthday falls on a cusp (within a few days of the sign before or after), read both because you’re probably a combo!

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 20) Organizes local toilet paper & hand sanitizer drive. Also takes charge of distribution, before leading the posse in charge of rounding up all known hoarders and marching them to the gallows.

Taurus (Apr 21-May 21) Doesn’t quit working until fully mandated by law... and is the last to leave the office. Swings by gourmet grocer & liquor store on the way home (if this is potentially their last meal, the bull refuses to settle for anything less than surf, turf & champagne).

Gemini (May 22-Jun 21) Parties like it’s 1999 at the prospect of two weeks off work. Quickly slips into a depression when they realize what a huge damper this quarantine thing will put on their social life. Logs more facetime hours than all the other signs combined.

Cancer (Jun 22-Jul 22) Quarantine? They hardly notice. They are the least affected sign because they only ever leave the house when it’s absolutely necessary in the best of times. And don’t blame them for the tp shortage... the crab’s pantry is always stocked and ready for an apocalypse. 

Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22) Pissed that they can’t get to the gym, but proudly do their part by adding a pandemic frame to their fb profile pic. Passes the time creating new content for their hair & makeup vlog... and planning their outfits for when they will be seen again in public.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22) Relishes the alone time. Uses it to re-organize their home office and every closet. Less prepared (slacker) friends & neighbors will not be welcomed into Virgo’s pristine nest, so don’t bother knocking.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22) De-clutters & disinfects every surface in the house before planning & cooking two weeks worth of meals. Firmly believe that non-handwashers (and anyone seen in public without gloves and a mask) should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. 

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 22) Your guess is as good as mine... no one actually knows what Scorps do behind closed doors (but you can bet they aren’t doing it alone). May or may not secretly hope that the pandemic affects only those who have wronged them in some way.

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22) Don’t buy into all the pandemic hype and are annoyed by the disruption to their daily life. Make to-do lists for spouse & children, and see to it that all operations are carried out accordingly. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 21) Brings home their work laptop & a briefcase full of paperwork. Stresses out about the loss of productivity at the office. Perks back up when they realize that somewhere, somehow, there is money to be made from this crisis.

Aquarius (Jan 22-Feb 18) Least likely to follow all of the quarantine rules. Most likely to chill out with Netflix & beer (after making a last-minute mad dash to the store). Without the booze they may lose their chill, start overthinking, and jump on the conspiracy bandwagon.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20) Does yoga, reads their horoscope & obsesses over the fate of the entire planet. Tempts fate by leaving the house to visit the nearest animal rescue shelter.

To read about romance astrology (the signs in love), click here

To read about office astrology (the signs at work), click here

For an intro to all things astrological, click here

Before becoming a professional psychic medium, Beth taught high school French, Spanish, Italian and ESOL. In addition to conducting mediumship and general psychic readings across the country and abroad, she is also conducts paranormal investigations and offers psychic development mentoring for adults and children. Her book, Madame Medium: Unleash Your Inner Psychic with a French Teacher Turned Psychic Medium was written to help others uncover and hone their own intuitive abilities. Beth lives just outside of Baltimore, Maryland, with her husband, Scott, their dog, Waffle, and their resident house spirit.

To learn more about Beth, her book, and the other services that she offers, visit bethparkermedium.com

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